We're all unlucky in love sometimes. When I am, I go jogging. The body loses water when you jog, so you have none left for tears.
We split up on April Fool's Day. So I decided to let the joke run for a month. Every day I buy a can of pineapple with a sell-by date of May 1. May loves pineapple, and May 1 is my birthday. If May hasn't changed her mind by the time I've bought thirty cans, then our love will also expire.
Somehow everything comes with an expiry date. Swordfish expires. Meat sauce expires. Even cling-film expires. Is there anything in the world which doesn't?
If memories could be canned, would they also have expiry dates? If so, I hope they last for centuries.
In May's eyes, I'm no different from a can of pineapple.
At the high point of our intimacy, we were just 0.01cm from each other. I knew nothing about her. Six hours later, she fell in love with another man.
Lulu? This is Qiwu. Want to come out for a drink? You're in bed already? This early? You were asleep? Never mind. Bye. Chieko-san? Guess who? This is Qiwu. That's right. Want to come out for a drink? Your husband? When did you get married? Five years! Has it been that long? You have two kids! You're happy, that's great! Okay, never mind.
Is Kong Siu-wai there? This is He Qiwu. We were classmates in grade four. You don't remember? Nothing, goodbye.
Do you... like pineapple?
People like you are hung up on freshness. You realize what goes into a can of pineapple? The fruit must be grown, harvested, sliced, and you just throw it away! How do you think the can feels about that?
Since she left, everything in the flat is sad. Everything needed lulling to sleep.
[to soap bar] You've lost a lot of weight, you know. You used to be so chubby. Have more confidence in yourself.
[to washcloth] You have to stop crying, you know. Where's your strength and absorbency? You're so shabby these days.
I thought we'd stay together for the long haul, flying like a jumbo jet on a full tank. But we changed course.
Did I leave the tap running, or is the apartment getting more tearful? I always thought it would cope okay. Didn't expect it to cry so much. When people cry, they can dry their eyes with tissues. But when an apartment cries, it takes a lot to mop it up.
[to new soap's bar] You mustn't let yourself go. You've gained weight so fast. She may have gone but life goes on. You must stop indulging yourself.
[to new towel] You're a real disappointment to me. You've changed so much. You can't just switch personality like this. Her walking out is no excuse.
[as it drips] It was such a relief when I saw it crying. It may look different, but it's still true to itself. It's still an emotionally charged towel.
Actually she did go to California that evening. But it was the other one.
He has great business sense. First he sold me fish and chips, then the whole thing.
Somehow I've become very cautious. When I put on a raincoat, I put on sunglasses too. Who knows when it will rain, or when it will turn out sunny?
Actually, really knowing someone doesn't mean anything. People change. A person may like pineapple today and something else tomorrow.
Would you let a person on board with a boarding pass like this? It's dated today, but it got blurred in the rain. I don't know where it's taking me. Do you?
Change of flight. Your plane is cancelled. Here's your key. Bye.
Buddy, I only work here. Who cares about how the cans feel? What about how I feel? Loading, more loading, unloading... How I wish cans wouldn't expire! It'd save me loads of work. You like expired cans? Help yourself! As many as you like! On the house!
Right. You're not daydreaming. You're sleepwalking.