Charge all this to my Visa [spits out chewing tobacco and it lands on a denim shirt for sale] and that as well.
This guy, Curly, is a true cowboy. One of the last real men. He's untamed. A mustang. We're trained ponies. It'll do us good to be in his world for a while.
I'm fourteen and my mother and father are fighting again. Y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him; this time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating us. So I told him; I said "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.
Oh, come on. Are you telling me you wouldn't like to screw her brains out?
Because honey, if that stuff were half as interesting as baseball, they'd have cards for it and sell it with gum.
Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it, please!
If hate were people, I'd be China!!
Now let's have some peace and quiet around here, for Christ's sakes! I'm tired! I been under a lot of stress! I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I got some sort of rash from making in the bushes!
The man ate bacon at every meal... you just can't do that!
Because... because I'm her boss! And... we have a health plan!
That's right - not having sex for 12 years will do that to a person!
No, do not call Mr Levine! Hey! Put down that phone...
The bedroom? How the hell would you know where the bedroom is?
Go ahead, call him - I'm sure he's home. It's his night to be with the other escaped Nazis!
I hate you more! If hate were people, I'd be China!
So is the President; he doesn't wear his picture on his suit.
I'm Phil Berquist. I committed adultery; lost my job and my family.
No, seriously! Arlene looked great; those water pills really helped. I looked out and saw my old man sitting there, and he winked at me. It was like, I've made it. I'm not a goofball anymore.
Didn't you feel stupid; I mean, didn't you feel... inadequate?
You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?
I crap bigger than you.
You're spookin' the cattle.
She a redhead? I like redheads.
I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters.
I was at work and on my break and I took one of those home pregnancy tests from Aisle 11.