Quotes from the Movie Dogma

Mister McGhee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Bartleby

The lesson must be taught. All are accountable... even God.

Bartleby

It's been my experience that the average male is never a man, not even for ten minutes, in his entire lifespan.

Bethany Sloane

When a quiet little infection destroyed my uterus, where was God? When my husband decided he couldn't be with a wife who couldn't bear his children, where was God? To Hell with Him.

Bethany Sloane

So if we're wrong, what's the right religion?

Bethany Sloane

I'm tired of all this cryptic bullshit. I'm physically and psychologically exhausted, Rufus, and I'm ready to kick back and welcome the end of existence unless you come clean, right now.

Bethany Sloane

I wouldn't want to let the family down, now would I?

Bethany Sloane

Remind me to try that water-to-wine thing at my next party.

Bethany Sloane

I hope you're the skee-ball type.

Bethany Sloane

Behold the Metatron! Herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God!

Metatron

Oh, give over, will you? I couldn't rape you if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped. See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. You bottom-feeders and your arrogance... you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers.

Metatron

Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.

Metatron

Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're... talking to themselves.

Metatron

You don't mind that I lost the wings, do you? I'm trying to keep our profile low.

Metatron

Be who you've always been. Just... be this as well, from time to time.

Metatron

Oh, Bartleby. Was Wisconsin really that bad?

Metatron

One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.

Metatron

You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar, may I continue uninterrupted?

Metatron

You people! If it hasn't been made into a movie, it's not worth knowing about, is that it? The little stoner's got a point!

Metatron

Anyone that isn't dead or from another plane of existance would do well to cover their ears right about...NOW.

Metatron

To answer that; human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it your mind would cave in and your heart would explode inside your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.

Metatron

Oh, did that SUCK!

Rufus

Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.

Rufus

Rufus it is. Usually it's Long Rufus, but, uh, it's a little cold out here. You understand.

Rufus

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