I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.
Fletch
Oh, you've remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds.
Fletch
Look, defenseless babies!
Fletch
It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.
Fletch
If you haven't guessed, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach lately. And I'm not talking about Robitussin and No-Doz...I'm talking about the hard stuff. I've been posing as an affable, minor league junkie in order to get to the bottom of it. It hasn't been easy. I don't shower much.
Fletch
You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.
Fletch
...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just whack blood...
Fletch
For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.
Fletch
Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.
Fletch
I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my shoes.
Fletch
Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass.
Fletch
Hey, don't talk to me that way, assface. I don't work for you yet.
Fletch
Tierra Del Fuego.
Fletch
In the court ruling US vs. Fishbine, a man subjected to potential incineration while wearing another man's suit is entitled to $10,000 worth of airline tickets. It's an obscure ruling, but a very important one. To me.
Fletch
Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...
Fletch