Mantovani? They play Mantovani to insomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs!
Mayday! Mayday! Dragon lady with incredible figure at 11 o'clock. Stop the car.
Oh, Edward, Edward, you don't understand. I've been on a small Greek island with a lotta women who look like Zorba. I never thought I'd find women attractive ever again, and now that I do you won't even turn the car around? Thanks a lot.
Ed, are you always this happy?
My God, it's Mardi Gras, and I'm on the main float.
Goooooooood morning, Vietnam! Hey, this is not a test! This is rock-'n'-roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ! Is that me, or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie?
Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late! It's 0600. What's the O stand for? "Oh my God, it's early!" Speaking of early, how about that Cro-Magnon Marty Drywitz. Thank you Marty for "Silky-smooth sound." Make me sound like Peggy LeeÖ
What is this "demilitarized zone?" What do they mean, "police action?" Sounds like a couple of cops in Brooklyn going, "Uh, she looks pretty to me."
Hereís a little riddle for you. What's the difference between the army and the Cub Scouts? Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!
Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? 'Cause if it leaks to the VC he could end up MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP
How am I gonna get to first base with this girl?
The Mississippi River broke through a protective dike today. What is a protective dike? Is that a large woman standing near the river going "Don't go near there!" "But Betty-" "Don't go near there! Get away from the river! Stay away from there." I know, we can't use the word "dyke." You can't even say "lesbian", it's "women in comfortable shoes." Thank you very much.
I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt, what it is, what it shall be, what it was. The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon roundup.
You know, you're very beautiful. You're also very quiet. And I'm not used to girls being that quiet unless they're medicated. Normally I go out with girls who talk so much you could hook them up to a wind turbine and they could power a small New Hampshire town.
Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Hey, we're back. That last few seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest hit single, "Walkin' In The Wind." And now, here are the headlines. Here they come at you right now. Pope actually found to be Jewish. Liberace is Anastasia, and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar. The East Germans, today, claimed that the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank. Also the Pope decided today to release Vatican-related bath products. An incredible thing, yes, it's the new Pope-on-a-Rope. That's right. Pope-on-a-Rope. Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.
Here's a news flash: Today President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill. The bill basically said that his daughters could not drive in a convertible on public highways.
James! Nice, shiny green suit. You look like an Oriental leprechaun.
You're a very attractive man, Abersold. Don't think I haven't noticed.
I don't know. I may go downtown, look for a Vietnamese man named Phil. Or I may just stay here and listen to old Pat Boone records, try and find some hidden meaning-- 'cause basically I believe that that man is a misunderstood genius.
Thank you. I think this fall, the discerning GI is gonna be wearing green in the jungle. Why? Because it matches with the green! The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.
You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.
Know about the bombing, Sparky. No wonder you hauled ass. You were my friend. I trusted you. You hear me?
It's unbelievable. Five months in Saigon and my best friend turns out to be a VC. THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME!
That's Marty Lee Drywitz. He's impeccably clean. This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin. He's also one of your roommates, so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.