Quotes from the Movie Good Morning, Vietnam

That's Marty Lee Drywitz. He's impeccably clean. This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin. He's also one of your roommates, so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.

Edward Garlick

My whole life passed before my eyes, and it wasn't even interesting to me.

Edward Garlick

It zoomed right by, just the way they say it does. Stamp collections, pulling chickweeds from my dad's dichondra plants, arranging rakes by sizes for my mom in the garage. Even encapsulated in two seconds, my life is dull. I find that very alarming.

Edward Garlick

Sir? I'm begging you. Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.

Edward Garlick

I live to collate, sir.

Edward Garlick

You know, it wouldnít kill you people to salute me once in a while.

Lieutenant Hauk

I understand you're pretty funny as a DJ, and, well comedy is a kind of hobby of mine. Well, actually, itís a little more than just a hobby. Reader's Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.

Lieutenant Hauk

You are not funny. But you are a maniac, and you'd better start changing your life.

Lieutenant Hauk

Sir, the man is a walking keg of dynamite.

Lieutenant Hauk

And as far as polkas, they are a much maligned musical taste.

Lieutenant Hauk

Sir, in my heart, I know I'm funny.

Lieutenant Hauk

Sir, there is no such thing as "only" anymore. Not now. Not in Saigon.

Sgt. Major Dickerson

But if you toy with me, I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.

Sgt. Major Dickerson

Why, son, the shadow of your ass'd weigh 20 pounds.

General Taylor

Military intelligence? There's a contradiction in terms.

General Taylor

It doesn't make a damn whether you play polkas or don't play polkas. Military politics. Nothing personal. The men just like him better than they do you.

General Taylor

Now this thing is a delicate balance over here, and I don't want it dependent on a disc jockey. Then men want him back. I want him back.

General Taylor

What is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong- he seems like a nice guy- but my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either. Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.

Dreiwitz

Home of the shiiiny green suit.

Jimmy Wah

I not can do this, Cronow. No. No friend, Cronow. Not good for-- for me. My brother, OK, friends. But Vietnam ladies not friends. Please, OK? Not friends.

Trinh

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