During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.
If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.
You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.
Yeah, it is about time! I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole! I wanted to but I just couldn't do it! [
The price is wrong, bitch.
You son of a bitch ball! Why don't you just go home?! That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS BALL
That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna... give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!
Remember that "Mista, Mista" lady? Well, I think I just killed her.
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.
I hate that clown. YEAH!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!!!
Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!
Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.
Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.
Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.
I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder to leave. I bet you put something to the water.
Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.
You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... ya jackass!
You will not make this putt... ya jackass!
Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?
Hey Gilmore! You suck, ya Jackass!
Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.