This page contains quotes from the movie Knocked Up. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Knocked Up
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It's a girl, buy some pink shit.
Ben Stone


Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.
Ben Stone


You don't know who Doc Brown is. He invented the DeLorean.
Ben Stone


If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."
Ben Stone


Yeah, it's a cure-all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool.
Ben Stone


Steely Dan can gargle my balls.
Ben Stone


Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.
Jonah


I'm going to murderball you!
Jonah


I went where I went Jason!
Jonah


Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?
Jonah


How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Jonah


See ya... Scorcese on coke
Jonah


It's the baseball draft honey, I got Matsui!
Pete


There are FIVE different kinds of chairs in this hotel room.
Pete


You look like Babe Ruth's older gay brother. Gabe Ruth.
Pete


You look like a cholo dressed up on Easter.
Pete


Where we're going we don't need roads.
Pete


Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
Pete


I think it's Matisyahu.
Pete


He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.
Debbie


You criticize them so much, they get down on themselves, and then they're forced to change!
Debbie


She is such a prissy little high school cu... cunt!
Debbie


Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?
Debbie


You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can't get her out of my head.
Jason


Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.
Jason


You went to Santa Monica Community College.
Jason


Thanks for the free money, bitch.
Jay


I can't be letting your old ass in here. Why don't you go do some yoga and shit.
Doorman


Don't think I wouldn't hit that. I would love to hit that. I would tear that ass up.
Doorman


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