Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
I'm very busy and important. How can I help you?
I had an uncle called Terence once. Hated him. Think he was a pervert. But I very much like the look of you.
Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?
Oh, no. That is so inconvenient.
I'd like to go to Wandsworth. The dodgy end.
Did you ever have this kind of problem? Yeah - of course you did, you saucy minx.
Oooooo, would we call her chubby?
Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
... so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record...
Hello? Elton! Of course. Of, of course! Send an embarrassingly big car and I'll be there!
When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.
Now let's get pissed and watch porn.
I'm on Shag Highway heading West.
American girls would seriously dig me with my cute British accent.
I am Colin, God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.
Beautiful muffin for a beautiful lady.
Watch out America, here comes Colin Frissell! ... And he's got a big knob!
Try my lovely nuts.
But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.
Let us go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
Tell her that you love her. You've got nothing to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't.
You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til it's over.
Jo and I had a lot of time to prepare for this moment. Some of her requests - for instance, that I should bring Claudia Schiffer as my date to the funeral - I am confident she expected me to ignore.
When she first mentioned what was about to happen, I said, "Over my dead body." And she said, "No, Daniel, over mine..."