Quotes from the Movie MASH

I'm a fairy. A victim of latent homosexuality. I've turned into a fairy.


I like to think of the army as my home!

Hot Lips

Oh, Frank, my lips are hot! Kiss my hot lips!

Hot Lips

Oh, Frank, strangle me!

Hot Lips

This isn't a hospital, it's an insane asylum!

Hot Lips

Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform.

Col. Blake

Alright men, we're not here to sell lemonade, we're here to practice!

Col. Blake

How do ya like them apples, Charlie?

Col. Blake

Hawkeye? Duke say you better haul ass home quick. We got new chest cutter in our tent.


Attention. Captain Banning - er, Captain Bandini. Attention. Captain Bandini is now performing a femoral pop-- a popli-- a p-- a femoral P-O-P-L-I-T-E-R-A-L artery expli - exp - - exploration and possible graft.

P.A. Announcement

Painless is a dentist, and a dentist shouldn't read. That's his whole problem.

Capt. Murrhardt

Something in a marshmallow?

Capt. Bandini

Suicide is painless / it brings on many changes / and I can take or leave it / if I please

Cpl. Judson

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