Quotes from the Movie Major League

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor

Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You should be proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head? Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.

Jake Taylor

Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor

The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.

Willie Mays Hays

Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hays

Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display.

Willie Mays Hays

Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!

Willie Mays Hays

We should've got the live chicken.

Willie Mays Hays

In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.

Harry Doyle

Juuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed.

Harry Doyle

Ball four...ball eight...and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on 12 consecutive pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close??

Harry Doyle

Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.

Harry Doyle

The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.

Harry Doyle

Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.

Harry Doyle

This guy threw at his own kid in a father/son game.

Harry Doyle

Well, you can close the book on Kellner. Thank God!

Harry Doyle

Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.

Lou Brown

You may run like Mays. but you hit like shit.

Lou Brown

Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "ole" bullshit!

Lou Brown

How's your wife and my kids?

Heywood

Up your butt, Jobu.

Eddie Harris

Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.

Eddie Harris

Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Pedro Cerrano

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