Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, June 14th, my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story.
Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?
Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?
Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?
How well do you remember 1970?
Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently.
How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!
You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry.
Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny.
Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?
You wouldn't want me to fork you to death, would you?
When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie.
Somebody here call for a tow truck?