Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Fixed the newel post.
The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.
I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.
Can't see the line, can you Russ?
If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!
They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. You about ready to do some kissing?
Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here piece of furniture. If you don't mind my askin', how much did this set you back?
He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.
I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.
Welcome to our home - what's left of it.
Hurry up, Clark. I'm freezing my baguettes off.
Is this the airport Clark?
Is Rusty still in the navy?
Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.
Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?