This page contains quotes from the movie National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
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Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
Clark W. Griswold


Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
Clark W. Griswold


Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Clark W. Griswold


Fixed the newel post.
Clark W. Griswold


The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.
Clark W. Griswold


I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.
Clark W. Griswold


Can't see the line, can you Russ?
Clark W. Griswold


If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!
Cousin Eddie


They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
Cousin Eddie


Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!
Cousin Eddie


Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. You about ready to do some kissing?
Cousin Eddie


Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here piece of furniture. If you don't mind my askin', how much did this set you back?
Cousin Eddie


He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.
Cousin Eddie


I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.
Ellen Griswold


Welcome to our home - what's left of it.
Ellen Griswold


Hurry up, Clark. I'm freezing my baguettes off.
Art


Is this the airport Clark?
Aunt Bethany


Is Rusty still in the navy?
Aunt Bethany


Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.
Aunt Bethany


Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?
Audrey Griswold