Well, I have to save my ass.
I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I'm a terrifying ogre! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A LITTLE PRIVACY?!
I already told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me! I live alone! MY swamp! ME! Nobody else, understand?! Nobody! Especially useless. Pathetic. Annoying. TALKING DONKEYS!!!
Hold the phone. [said in a calm voice whenever Shrek is taken by surprise or is freaking out.]
Oh, for the love of Pete!
This is the part where you run away.
That's right fool, now I'm a flying talking donkey! You mighta seen a house fly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!
Wow, that was really scary. And if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need a Tic Tac or something, 'cause yo' breath stinks!
... and then I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eekin' outta my butt that day!
You hear that? She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
Blue flower, red thorns, blue flower, red thorns... This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind!
Alright, Shrek, no one likes a kiss-ass.
This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES.
You're so wrapped up in layers, Onion Boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!
Parfait may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! Wait a minute, I DON'T HAVE ANY TOES!!! I think I need a hug...
When I get out of here I'm going to need some serious therapy! Look at my eye twitchin'!
Alright, nobody move! I have a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it!
I'M A DONKEY ON THE EDGE!
Don't die on me, Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
C'mon, princess, you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7