Quotes from the Movie Talladega Nights

I'm a veteran! And a diabetic! Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!

Reese Bobby

You shut up, you little potlicker, I'll put you in a microwave!

Reese Bobby

If you ain't first, you're last!

Reese Bobby

You people are in the wrong on this one! So in the wrong! This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!

Reese Bobby

It's okay, I'm a volunteer fireman.

Reese Bobby

You don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher. She wants you to go slow, but it's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.

Reese Bobby

You need to learn to drive with the fear, and there ain't nothin' more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.

Reese Bobby

Close the door and come in. I got weed in here, cowboy.

Reese Bobby

Hey, son? Son! Did this go good?

Reese Bobby

Hey, is that a Huffy? That's a nice-lookin' bike, boy!

Reese Bobby

Whoa! I gotta lay off the peyote.

Reese Bobby

You got hair on your peaches or what?

Reese Bobby

Dad, you made that grace your bitch.

Reese Bobby

I like to think of Jesus like a ninja, fightin' off evil samurai.

Reese Bobby

You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?

Reese Bobby

I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!

Texas Ranger Bobby

Grandfather, can't we resolve this conflict without anger?

Texas Ranger Bobby

Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!

Texas Ranger Bobby

Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

Texas Ranger Bobby

Aww Nana, not my prison shank.

Texas Ranger Bobby

You look old, Granny, are you gonna die today?

From deleted scenes

Sorry, Lucius, but it's a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.

Glenn

Peaches and cream!

Glenn

It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on: One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends!

Glenn

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