This page contains quotes from the movie Talladega Nights . You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Talladega Nights
2
If you ain't first, you're last!
Reese Bobby


You people are in the wrong on this one! So in the wrong! This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!
Reese Bobby


It's okay, I'm a volunteer fireman.
Reese Bobby


You don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher. She wants you to go slow, but it's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.
Reese Bobby


You need to learn to drive with the fear, and there ain't nothin' more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.
Reese Bobby


Close the door and come in. I got weed in here, cowboy.
Reese Bobby


Hey, son? Son! Did this go good?
Reese Bobby


Hey, is that a Huffy? That's a nice-lookin' bike, boy!
Reese Bobby


Whoa! I gotta lay off the peyote.
Reese Bobby


You got hair on your peaches or what?
Reese Bobby


Dad, you made that grace your bitch.
Reese Bobby


I like to think of Jesus like a ninja, fightin' off evil samurai.
Reese Bobby


You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?
Reese Bobby


I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Texas Ranger Bobby


Grandfather, can't we resolve this conflict without anger?
Texas Ranger Bobby


Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Texas Ranger Bobby


Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Texas Ranger Bobby


Aww Nana, not my prison shank.
Texas Ranger Bobby


You look old, Granny, are you gonna die today?
From deleted scenes


Sorry, Lucius, but it's a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.
Glenn


Peaches and cream!
Glenn


It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on: One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends!
Glenn


Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword King Arthur used to bring together the knights of the roundtable, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen [whispering] in the biblical sense.
Glenn


Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out! Kristen eats knives for breakfast!
Lucius


Just remember this, Ricky: you wreck that car, that's $200,000 out of your pocket!
Lucius