This page contains quotes from the movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
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You know, I'm just the best there is. I wake up every morning and I piss excellence.
Ricky Bobby


Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Aah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off of me!
Ricky Bobby


Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
Ricky Bobby


Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!
Ricky Bobby


I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?". I'm just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out.
Ricky Bobby


Hello Professor Dickweed.
Ricky Bobby


Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you JÈsusÖwe thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominoís, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokiní wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox, who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, Whoís got my back no matter what
Ricky Bobby


Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also like to thank you for my wifeís father Chip, we hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.
Ricky Bobby


Dear Tiny, Infant, Jesus...
Ricky Bobby


Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.
Ricky Bobby


Dear Tiny Jesus, in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, little fat balled up fists
Ricky Bobby


Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I win the races and I get the money
Ricky Bobby


Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, donít even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent. Weíd just like to thank you for all the races Iíve won and the $21.2 million, LOVE THAT MONEY! That I have accrued over this past season. Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention PowerAde at each grace, I just wanna say that PowerAde is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day and we look forward to PowerAdeís release of mystic mountain blueberry. Thank you, for all your power and your grace, Dear Baby God, Amen
Ricky Bobby


Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...
Ricky Bobby


Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon' get bumpy!
Ricky Bobby


Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention POWERade at each grace, I'd just like to say that POWERade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to POWERade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
Ricky Bobby


Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!
Ricky Bobby


The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.
Ricky Bobby


Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!
Ricky Bobby


Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good.
Ricky Bobby


The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!
Ricky Bobby


I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!
Ricky Bobby


Hey, it's me, America!
Ricky Bobby


Slingshot: engage.
Ricky Bobby


I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
Ricky Bobby