This page contains quotes from the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin
 1
I'll tell you who's the hottest. Now you're gonna think I'm crazy when I tell you this; Gina. I can't get Gina outta' my head. I'm gonna be thinking of Gina all week.
Cal


I hired a 90-Ib girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay? I should've hired a 300-Ib guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk.
Cal


I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew School once.
Cal


Leave my torso alone at least!
Cal


Screw these analogies, okay? What he's saying is that you are gonna be so bad at sex the first time that you don't wanna have sex with someone you like, 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. So you wanna have sex with "hood rats" so that by the time you get to a girl that you "do like, you won't be terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it.[pause] Probably still pretty bad, though.
Cal


There are three rules when it comes talking to women. Number 1 ask questions, don't say anything, because,women,all they wanna do is talk about themselves so you're just gonna let them do that. 2 be cool and 3 be kind of a dick. Look be like David Caruso in "Jade".
Cal


You know how I know you're gay? I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour-dough bread once.
Cal


All you gotta do is to use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows how to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's code written in their DNA, says "Tackle the gazelle." Believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says "Tackle drunk bitches."
Jay


You're puttin' the pussy on the pedastal.
Jay


Look, you're about to cram like...10 years of pimpage into one day. Partner after that....you're on my level.
Jay


Baby, I'm Dr. Montalbaun.
Jay


Andy it's goin down partner. We're gonna be This is for you partner, this is for you. Waves of them comin' at you on Friday, Saturday. By Sunday yo nuts gone be drained!
Jay


He's performing a public colonscopy. Isn't that sweet?
Paula


Dude, teach me!
Mark


Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
Haziz


So tell me Montel why were'nt we invited to the party? What are we, Al Qaeda?
Haziz


Everybody's dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV.
Mooj


That boy need to get *laid*!
Joe


Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.
Haziz