Wise up, folks. We're all alone out there and tomorrow we're going out there again.
They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don't want to get near them.
Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come.
You see, Sarah, Harold, we took a secret vote. We're not leaving. We're never leaving.
Are not the satisfactions of being a good man among our common men great enough to sustain us anymore?
No... I know that Richard will always be faithful to me.
Do you think we're all trying trying to avoid dealing with Alex? You know, every time it comes up somebody changes the subject.
I've been taking my temperature and I know I'm ovulating right now. The ground is ready, I just need someone to plant the seed.
Yeah, but who's going to be the lucky farmer?
I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.
Ah, come on. Nothing's more important than sex.
Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?
Alex and I made love the night before he died. It was fantastic.
He went out with a bang, not a whimper.
Hey, Nick? You know, we go back a long way, and I'm not gonna piss that away 'cause you're higher than a kite.
Wrong, a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; you don't know anything about me. It was easy back then. No one had a cushier berth than we did. It's not surprising our friendship could survive that. It's only out there in the real world that it gets tough.
I know this is hard but it's all beautiful.
Yeah we put on a great funeral here.
Yeah, maybe I'll have mine here.
We give first priority to people who kill themselves in one of our bathrooms.
That was a terrible thing to say... I don't know why I said that.