Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of these terrible times again and I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can't concentrate. So I'm doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I'm spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can't even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me. And incredibly good. Everything is gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.
Leonard, I believe I may have a first sentence.
Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.
A woman's whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life.
It's on this day. This day of all days. Her fate becomes clear to her.
I can't think of anything more exhilarating than a trip to London.
I am saying, Vanessa, that even crazy people like to be asked.
Did it matter, then, she asked herself, walking toward Bond Street. Did it matter that she must inevitably cease, completely. All this must go on without her. Did she resent it? Or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely? It is possible to die. It is possible to die.
I've been attended by doctors, who inform me of my own interests.
I am ungrateful? You call me ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me. I'm living in a town I have no wish to live in. I'm living a life I have no wish to live. How did this happen?
If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark. And that only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too. This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs but the violent jolt of the Capital. That is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness. But if it is a choice between Richmond and death, I choose death.
You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast.
Dear Leonard. To look life in the face. Always to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it. To love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard. Always the years between us. Always the years. Always the love. Always the hours.
Oh I'm gonna make a cake. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make the cake for daddy's birthday.
Obviously, you feel unworthy. Gives you feelings of unworthiness. You survive and they don't.
There are times when you don't belong and you think you're going to kill yourself. Once I went to a hotel. Later that night I made a plan. The plan was I would leave my family when my second child was born. And that's what I did. I got up one morning, made breakfast, went to the bus stop, got on a bus. I'd left a note. I got a job in a library in Canada. It would be wonderful to say you regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. There it is. No-one's going to forgive me. It was death. I chose life.
Sally, I think I'll buy the flowers myself.
That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other.
Why is everything wrong?
When I'm with him I feel... Yes, I am living. And when I'm not with him... Yes, everything does seem sort of silly.
I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.
Oh, Mrs. Dalloway... Always giving parties to cover the silence.
Would you be angry if I died?
Just wait till I die. Then you'll have to think of yourself. How are you going to like that?