I have it all figured out. It's an eighteen-hour trip, which breaks down into six shifts of three hours each. Or alternatively, we could break it down by mileage. There's a, there's a map on the visor that I've marked to show the locations where we can change shifts.
Look, Harry is one of my best friends, and you are one of my best friends, and if by some chance you two hit it off, then we could all still be friends instead of drifting apart the way you do when you get involved with someone who doesn't know your friends.
Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.
You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are really an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy.
I gotta go home, I gotta change my clothes, and then I have to go to work and so do you, but after work, I'd like to take you out to dinner if you're free.
Hi, it's me. It's is the holiday season and I thought I'd just remind you that this is the season for charity and forgiveness. And although it's not widely known, it is also the season of grovelling. So if you felt like calling me back, I'd be more than happy to do the traditional Christmas grovel. Give me a call.
If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) Not at home, (b) Home, but don't want to talk to me, or (c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.
Obviously she doesn't want to talk to me. What do I have to do, beat her over the head? If she wants to call me she'll call me. I'm through making a schmuck out of myself.
Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.
You're right, you're right, I know you're right.
I want you to know, that I will never, want that wagon wheel coffee table.
Draw something resembling anything.
Unable to guess what Sally is trying to draw during a round of Pictionary
I'd like to propose a toast to Harry and Sally. To Harry and Sally... If Marie or I had found either of them remotely attractive, we would not be here today.
I was sitting with my friend Arthur Kornblum, in a restaurant, it was a Horn and Hardart Cafeteria, and this beautiful girl walked in - [he gestures toward his wife] - and I turned to Arthur and I said, "Arthur, you see that girl? I'm going to marry her." And two weeks later we were married. And it's over fifty years later and we're still married.
A man came to me and said, 'I found nice girl for you. She lives in the next village, and she is ready for marriage.' We were not supposed to meet until the wedding. But I wanted to make sure, so I sneak into her village, hid behind a tree, watch her washing the clothes. I think, if I don't like the way she looks, I don't marry her. But she look really nice to me. So I said OK to the man, we get married. We are married for fifty-five years.