Often I wonder what does really God get from me in this state no faith, no love not even in feelings. The other day I can't tell you how bad I felt. There was a moment when I nearly refused to accept. Deliberately I took the Rosary and very slowly and without even meditating or thinking I said it slowly and calmly. The moment passed- but the darkness is so dark, and the pain is so painful. But I accept whatever He gives and I give whatever He takes. People say they are drawn closer to God- seeing my strong faith. is this not deceiving people? Every time I have wanted to tell the truth that I have no faith the words just do not come my mouth remains closed. And yet I still keep on smiling at God and all.