They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes
It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye
It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something
A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game
Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.
Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel."
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five
In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.
Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
Golf is hockey at the halt.
There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing?
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law