Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five
Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life.
I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors
Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance
Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
The average golfer doesn't play golf. He attacks it
Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing
Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again
Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns
Born to golf. Forced to work.
The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse