Problems are the price of progress. Don't bring me anything but trouble. Good news weakens me.
Charles F. Kettering
The one function that T.V. news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
David Brinkley
The man who laughs has simply not yet had the terrible news.
Eugen Berthold Friedrich Brecht
All the young dudes Carry the news Boogaloo dudes Carry the news.
David Robert Jones
Pushing through the market square, so many mothers sighing News had just come over, we had five years left to cry in. News guy wept and told us, earth was really dying Cried so much his face was wet, then I knew he was not lying.
David Robert Jones
Sport belongs in a news bulletin about as much as a mummified cat's head belongs in a Caesar salad.
Charlton
If this strikes you as a trivial subject to write about, you're wrong. Really. Bollocks to the rest of you. I could've sat through live 3D news footage of some gruesome bloody war, watching starving women and children being machine gunned in the face by Terminator rebels, and I'd have just shrugged. So what. Stop crying. They're only bullets. Try having my throat. Try some genuine suffering, you pussies.
Charlton
It is such an important idea, Jubilee, that Jesus begins his ministry with this. Jesus is a young man, he's met with the rabbis, impressed everyone, people are talking. The elders say, he's a clever guy, this Jesus, but he hasn't done much... yet. He hasn't spoken in public before... When he does, his first words are from Isaiah: "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me," he says, "because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor." And Jesus proclaims the year of the Lord's favour, the year of Jubilee. [Luke 4:18] What he was really talking about was an era of grace and we're still in it.
Paul David Hewson
Compassion automatically brings happiness and calmness. Then, even if you receive disturbing news, it will be easier to take, as your mind is still.
Dalai Lama
The media have just buried the last yuppie, a pathetic creature who had not heard the news that the great pendulum of public consciousness has just swung from Greed to Compassion and from Tex-Mex to meatballs
Barbara Ehrenreich
Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that Strom Thurmond has been dead since 1988.
Jay Leno
When you're watching the news, how many days in a row can you watch that and feel good about yourself and the world?
Sandra Bernhard