I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears.
Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to
be right over second base.
Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for
being on grass
I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.