Funny quotes Quotes

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

Ellery Queen

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

Unknown

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off

Ralph Bus

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote in a national election

Bill Vaughn

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work ask him, 'Whose?'

Don Marquis

How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Unknown

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for

Ogden Nash

One of the best lessons children learn through video games is standing still will get them killed quicker than anything else

Jinx Milea

Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes

Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

Babies are such a nice way to start people

Don Herold

I was so surprised at being born that I didn

Grace Ethel Cecile Rosalie Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Woody Allen

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

George Denis Patrick Carlin

10 Common Mistakes That Prevent You From Being Happy and Healthy Today, Backed by Science

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Updated On : March 20, 2014
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