Funny quotes Quotes

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

Chic Murray

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

Robert C. Gallagher

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.

Bill Maher

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

Proverb

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.

Gil Stern

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.

Unknown

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job.

Jay Leno

The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week.

Robert Frost

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Patrick Murray

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them

George Bush

Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence

Hebrew Proverb

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

P. J. O'Rourke

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.

Alexai Sayle

When good Americans die they go to Paris.

Oscar Wilde

20 Scientifically-Backed Ways To De-Stress Right Now

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Updated On : February 20, 2014
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