Funny Quotes

Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Hitching up the M11 coming back from a Dexys gig got picked up 'bout half eleven by this bloke in a funny wig.

Attila the Stockbroker

When people say it's a funny thing about them, you will probably be able to control your hysterics. They are only getting ready to announce the shattering fact that they don't like something. And it's not going to be something that's really quite awful, like suttee or apartheid; it's going to be something small.

Ruth Eleanor

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Now you know that your headmistress, Miss Davis, was going to come in here and just check that you were all going to be well behaved. She cant do that because, as many of you probably know, she cant be here today, er, because her pants fell down earlier on. Its not funny. If any of you see her, dont make a fuss because its a bit embarrassing for her, OK? Alright? Its not funny.

Derren Victor Brown

I have seen it stated that no expert is quick enough to run over a dog; that a dog is always able to skip out of his way. I think that that may be true; but I think that the reason he couldn't run over the dog was because he was trying to. I did not try to run over any dog. But I ran over every dog that came along.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens

There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.

Paulo Coelho

Norbit operates on the principle that vulgarity is automatically funny. Crassness doesn't need a joke attached because it is (in and of itself) the height of hilarity.

James Berardinelli

Pull out the AK and pop you in your funny bone.

Lil Wayne

The Power Of Failure: We Get To Decide What It Means

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Updated On : March 11, 2014
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