Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour
A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
"It is a hopeless endeavour to unite the contrarieties of spring and winter; it is unjust to claim the priveleges of age, and retain the play- things of childhood,"
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life.
If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them
I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105
Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance
Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
But you don't have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls. I do
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