Golf Quotes

We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men great and small. Even more reaching and revealing of character is the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish object with no mind or will but with a very definite life of its own, and with whims perverse and beatific

John Stewart Martin

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

Phil Silvers

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing

Phyllis Diller

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters

Bob Hope

The right way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing

George Duncan

If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen- you will hear an alibi

Fred Beck

Every rock'n'roll band I know, guys with long hair and tattoos, plays golf now

Alice Cooper

Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot

Sam Snead

You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them

Jimmy Demaret

Peter Alliss is astounded by a put or shot at the British Open

corr blimey O'Reilly

The mind messes up more shots than the body

Tommy Bolt

In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf


Golf is like marbles for adults


Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.


Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.

Woodrow Wilson

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.


I have spent most of my life golfing ..... the rest I have just wasted.


I am hitting the woods just great ..... but having a terrible time getting out of them!


The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

Pete Dye

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work

Lee Trevino

How did you make a twelve? I had a long put for an eleven

Clayton Heafner

I'm the best. I just haven't played yet.

Muhammad Ali

Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time

Miller Barber

I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member

Groucho Marx

5 Ways to Thrive When Life Feels Chaotic and Uncertain

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Updated On : November 01, 2008
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