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Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
I have spent most of my life golfing ..... the rest I have just wasted.
I am hitting the woods just great ..... but having a terrible time getting out of them!
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work
How did you make a twelve? I had a long put for an eleven
I'm the best. I just haven't played yet.
Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time
I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member
The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.
The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows
There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park- like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron
The hardest shot in golf? The next one
I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals
Tee your ball high...the air offers less resistance than dirt
The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name... and they say golf is a quiet game
time and then move on. Remember that golf is just a game
Golf is a game of precision, not strength
Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer...
Golf is not and never has been a fair game.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of..
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