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~ No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul. ~
 ~ These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~
~ Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. ~
~ Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~
~ Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel." ~
~ A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. ~
~ You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. ~
~ One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water ~
~ Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps ~
~ It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg. ~
~ Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game ~
~ Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined. ~
~ The worst club in my bag is my brain. ~
~ Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. ~
~ Golf is hockey at the halt. ~
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Golf Quotes
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