I didn't ask to be good at football, Guru Nanak must have blessed me.
Jess Bhamra
Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?
Jess Bhamra
Me? Kissing? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.
Jess Bhamra
Mother, just because I wear trackies and play sports DOES NOT MAKE ME A LESBIAN!
Jules Paxton
Can't keep losing all my best players to the Yanks now can I?
Joe
'Your mum's a barrel of laughs compared to my dad.
Joe
Don't tell me. The offside rule is when the French mustard has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.
Paula Paxton
You know Jesminder, I cooked a lovely curry the other day.
Paula Paxton
Do you not realise that you have a daughter with breasts?
Paula Paxton
All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!
Paula Paxton
Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!
Paula Paxton
Eyes down. Don't smile. Indian bride never smiles. You'll ruin the bloody video!
Wedding videographer
Don't worry, Miss Bahmra. Our designs will make even these little mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangoes!
Dressmaker
Well you fancying your gorah coach is OK with me. Besides, he's quite fit!
Tony
Now do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with full beard and turban?
Woman at Party