I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help.
Joe Bauers
They're watering crops with a sports drink?
Joe Bauers
You know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers.
Joe Bauers
Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
Joe Bauers
You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Rita
I like money.
Frito Pendejo
There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine.
Frito Pendejo
Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here.
Frito Pendejo
If I had some money and a room at the White House, I'd be like, "It's mine, all night!"
Frito Pendejo
So you're smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger.
President Camacho
I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
President Camacho
Chill, Scro, you do a kick ass job and you get a full pardon.
President Camacho
But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner city slang, and various grunts.
Narrator
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water virtually everywhere.
Narrator
After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water.
Narrator