Quotes from the Movie Miss Congeniality

I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me!

Gracie Hart

Look, she's gonna cry again. 'Oh, if I only had a brain."'

Gracie Hart

I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.

Victor Melling

There are no words.

Victor Melling

Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.

Victor Melling

If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.

Victor Melling

You old fruitcake! Victor: How dare you, you... cupcake!

Matthews

Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me - she said they were Satan's panties!

Cheryl Rhode Island Frasier

Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.

Eric Matthews

I would so love to hurt you right now.

Gracie Hart

As long as you smile.

Victor Melling

What, no armored car?

Victor Melling

That would be in my other dress.

Gracie Hart

Of course he had a gun. This is Texas! Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!

Kathy Morningside

I don't own a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.

Stan Fields