Phyllis Diller Quotes

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Phyllis Diller

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant

Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing

Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Phyllis Diller

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out

Phyllis Diller

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