Quotes from the Movie MASH

Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?

Hawkeye

Oh come off it, MAJOR! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch... and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you're what we call a regular army clown.

Hawkeye

Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.

Hawkeye

You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.

Hawkeye

Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic

Hawkeye

Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this is my favorite caddy.

Hawkeye

It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.

Trapper John

No. No food. Sex. I want sex. Bring me some sex. No, no, no, that one. Bring me that one over there. That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Take her clothes off! I want that one, yes. Take her clothes off and bring her to me now.

Trapper John

I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf.

Trapper John

Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had, on an average, uh about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals every year. And he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen.

Trapper John

Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?

Hawkeye

Oh come off it, MAJOR! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch... and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you're what we call a regular army clown.

Hawkeye

Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.

Hawkeye

You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.

Hawkeye

Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic

Hawkeye

Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this is my favorite caddy.

Hawkeye

It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.

Trapper John

No. No food. Sex. I want sex. Bring me some sex. No, no, no, that one. Bring me that one over there. That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Take her clothes off! I want that one, yes. Take her clothes off and bring her to me now.

Trapper John

I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf.

Trapper John

Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had, on an average, uh about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals every year. And he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen.

Trapper John

Oh, now damn it, Henry. Frank Burns is a menace! Every time a patient croaks on him, he says it's God's will or somebody else's fault.

Duke

Fair is fair, Henry. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye, can I go home?

Duke

Take care of the squirrels.

Duke

If a man isn't a man anymoreÖ what's he got left that he should be living for?

Painless

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