This page contains quotes from the movie MASH. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie MASH
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Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?
Hawkeye


Oh come off it, MAJOR! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch... and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you're what we call a regular army clown.
Hawkeye


Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.
Hawkeye


You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.
Hawkeye


Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic
Hawkeye


Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this is my favorite caddy.
Hawkeye


It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.
Trapper John


No. No food. Sex. I want sex. Bring me some sex. No, no, no, that one. Bring me that one over there. That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Take her clothes off! I want that one, yes. Take her clothes off and bring her to me now.
Trapper John


I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf.
Trapper John


Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had, on an average, uh about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals every year. And he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen.
Trapper John


Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?
Hawkeye


Oh come off it, MAJOR! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch... and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you're what we call a regular army clown.
Hawkeye


Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.
Hawkeye


You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.
Hawkeye


Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic
Hawkeye


Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this is my favorite caddy.
Hawkeye


It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.
Trapper John


No. No food. Sex. I want sex. Bring me some sex. No, no, no, that one. Bring me that one over there. That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Take her clothes off! I want that one, yes. Take her clothes off and bring her to me now.
Trapper John


I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf.
Trapper John


Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had, on an average, uh about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals every year. And he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen.
Trapper John


Oh, now damn it, Henry. Frank Burns is a menace! Every time a patient croaks on him, he says it's God's will or somebody else's fault.
Duke


Fair is fair, Henry. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye, can I go home?
Duke


Take care of the squirrels.
Duke


If a man isn't a man anymoreÖ what's he got left that he should be living for?
Painless


I'm a fairy. A victim of latent homosexuality. I've turned into a fairy.
Painless