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~ Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing ~
~ You know it's summertime at Candlestick when the fog rolls in, the wind kicks up, and you see the center fielder slicing open a caribou to survive the ninth inning ~
~ The place was always cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck ~
~ A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time ~
~ Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. ~
~ Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead ~
~ The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game ~
~ What we have are good gray ballplayers, playing a good gray game and reading the good gray Wall Street Journal. They have been brainwashed, dry-cleaned and dehydrated!... Wake up the echoes at the Hall of Fame and you will find that baseball's immortals were a rowdy and raucous group of men who would climb down off their plaques and go rampaging through Cooperstown, taking spoils.... Deplore it if you will, but Grover Cleveland Alexander drunk was a better pitcher than Grover Cleveland Alexander sober ~
~ They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans ~
~ Well, boys, it's a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square ~
~ You know you're pitching well when the batters look as bad as you do at the plate ~
~ The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up ~
~ Reading about baseball is a lot more interesting than reading about chess, but you have to wonder: Don't any of these guys ever go fishing? ~
~ Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~
~ To a pitcher, a base hit is the perfect example of negative feedback ~
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