Quotes by Steven Wright :: Finest Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I made wine out of raisins so I would not have to wait for it to age.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

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