Quotes from the Movie Happy Gilmore

During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

Happy Gilmore

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Happy Gilmore

You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Happy Gilmore

Yeah, it is about time! I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole! I wanted to but I just couldn't do it! [

Happy Gilmore

The price is wrong, bitch.

Happy Gilmore

You son of a bitch ball! Why don't you just go home?! That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS BALL

Happy Gilmore

That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna... give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

Happy Gilmore

Remember that "Mista, Mista" lady? Well, I think I just killed her.

Happy Gilmore

I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.

Happy Gilmore

I hate that clown. YEAH!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!!!

Happy Gilmore

Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!

Happy Gilmore

SOMEBODY'S CLOSER!!

Happy Gilmore

Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

Shooter McGavin

Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

Shooter McGavin

Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

Shooter McGavin
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