When you learn to make everybody happy, you will possess the golden secret of how to milk the contented voters. But do it in such a way that they wont think you want them to vote for you just because you need the money.They need the money, and besides, they can think up other reasons if they try.
Every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.
I was so surprised at being born that I didn
Never place a period where God has placed a comma.
A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.
When you learn to make everybody happy, you will possess the golden secret of how to milk the contented voters. But do it in such a way that they wont think you want them to vote for you just because you need the money.
They need the money, and besides, they can think up other reasons if they try.
Cultivate friendships. If you dont have time to cultivate all of them, plow under every fifth one and collect your bonus.
I fully realize that every promise I make, the Republicans will double and the Democrats will redouble. They think this will make me vulnerable, but they dont know I have some tricks up my sleeve, along with a box of raisins to munch on while Im waiting for the returns to come in.
Try to understand me. Nothing is impossible.
You remember me. Im Gracie Allen. Im the candidate who forgot to take off her hat before she threw it in the ring.
Furthermore, Im the only candidate who got the idea of running myself. All the others had to have somebody else think it up for them, or anyway they say the only reason theyre running is because their many friends kept after them and after them until they finally gave in.
All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for this country, which is ridiculous. I havent done anything yet, and I think its just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.
Of course, it goes without saying that every candidate must be progressive, fearless, vigorous, and liberal; invincible in victory and invisible in defeat, awake to the needs of the people whether they know what they know what they need or not. You should also come from a good family, because while breeding isnt everything, it is said to be lots of fun. George Burns thats Mister Allen was saying the other day that to be President of the United States you also have to have brains, integrity, ability and intelligence, but I think he was just trying to talk me into it.
Presidents are made, not born. Thats a good thing to remember. Its silly to think that Presidents are born, because very few people are 35 years old at birth, and those who are wont admit it. So if youre only 16 dont be discouraged, because its only a phase and theres nothing wrong with you that you wont outgrow.
One of the greatest problems today is about the people who would rather be right than be President. I have a solution for that. You can be Left and President: that way you can eat your cake and halve it too. Or you can stay in the middle of the road and get run over.
Who am I to talk? Thats a fair question, and one which deserves a better answer than I can give you. Come to think of it, who are you? Whoever you are, I sympathize with you. I sympathize with everybody; thats what I get for being a candidate myself. Let them call us nonentities. Who cares? A nonenitiy can be just as famous as anybody else if enough people know about him.
But lets leave personalities out of this and just talk about me.
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