Woody Allen Quotes

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.

Woody Allen

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government

Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

Woody Allen

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Woody Allen

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Woody Allen

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.

Woody Allen

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.

Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Woody Allen

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