Quotes from the Movie Clerks

A woman makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a woman cum, it's talent.

Dante Hicks

Great, everytime I kiss you, I'm gonna taste 36 other guys!

Dante Hicks

Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot! Hey! Hey, you! Get back here!

Dante Hicks

You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.

Dante Hicks

I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

Dante Hicks

I'm not the type of person who will disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably.

Dante Hicks

My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

Dante Hicks

37?!? I'm 37?!?

Dante Hicks

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Dante Hicks

Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

Randal Graves

Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.

Randal Graves

And I'm caught in the middle, torn between my loyalty to my boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.

Randal Graves

And I'm caught in the middle, torn between my loyalty to my boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.

Randal Graves

Oh, and Caitlin. Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.

Randal Graves

Some guy came into the store refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership.

Randal Graves

Bunch of savages in this town.

Randal Graves

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

Randal Graves

Salsa Shark...We're gonna need a bigger boat!...Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa, OUR shark.

Randal Graves

Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

Randal Graves

I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.

Jay

I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

Jay

You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.

Silent Bob

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Female Customer

I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.

Caitilin Bree

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