I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door-or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly — hurt, bitterness, grief, and, mostof all, fear.
Joan Rivers