Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
My garden will never make me famous, I'm a horticultural ignoramus.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Nothing there but basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You have had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You are sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Middle age is when you are sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it is not for you.
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
Man is a victim of dope
In the incurable form of hope.
I think that I shall never see, a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
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