Quotes from the Movie Knocked Up

You look like a cholo dressed up on Easter.

Pete

Where we're going we don't need roads.

Pete

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

Pete

I think it's Matisyahu.

Pete

He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.

Debbie

You criticize them so much, they get down on themselves, and then they're forced to change!

Debbie

She is such a prissy little high school cu... cunt!

Debbie

Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?

Debbie

You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can't get her out of my head.

Jason

Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Jason

You went to Santa Monica Community College.

Jason

Thanks for the free money, bitch.

Jay

I can't be letting your old ass in here. Why don't you go do some yoga and shit.

Doorman

Don't think I wouldn't hit that. I would love to hit that. I would tear that ass up.

Doorman