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Funny quotes Quotations
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~ A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. ~

Carrie Snow

~ I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. ~

Will Shriner

~ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ~

Rodney Dangerfield

~ When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~

Unknown

~ Babies are such a nice way to start people ~

Don Herold

~ I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. ~

Unknown

~ In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. ~

Mark Twain

~ A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. ~

W.C. Fields

~ Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~

George Burns

~ I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book. ~

Groucho Marx

~ How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. ~

Unknown

~ Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes ~

Unknown

~ The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. ~

Fred Astaire

~ Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace. ~

Marianne Williamson

~ Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. ~

Laurence J. Peter

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